


Then Why Does He Look Like Me

by ispeakforthesharks



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Bisexual Simon Snow, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Oblivious Simon Snow, Watford Eighth Year
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27580054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ispeakforthesharks/pseuds/ispeakforthesharks
Summary: Simon gets a boyfriend during his eighth year at Watford, and Baz's jealousy is worse than it ever was with Agatha.After spending far too long watching them, Baz realizes that Simon's new boyfriend looks similar to himself. So similar that he wonders how he never had noticed before. How Simon hasn't noticed.Does it mean what he think it means? Is his hopeless crush not as hopeless as he thought?
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 11
Kudos: 63





	1. Things I Didn't Know

**Baz**

I had no idea Simon Snow was queer. 

I had no idea that his precious girlfriend had broken up with him. 

When Snow traipsed into our room yesterday, grinning like a fool and spinning a half-wilted red rose between his fingers, I had just assumed it was Wellbelove. 

Granted, she had never proven to be one for romantic gestures, but who else could it possibly be? As far as I knew, they were still well on their way to having blue-eyed, fair-haired babies. 

I sneered at him and asked him to daydream about his girlfriend somewhere else. "You're polluting the room with your magic, Snow. Go someplace else," I said.

His magic _was_ leaking like mad. It does that whenever he feels emotions too intensely. Which is a lot of the time. But honestly, the feel of it doesn't bother me. The smokey smell makes me feel comfortable. At home. But I would never even consider telling him that. 

He frowned at me and stopped fiddling with his rose. "Agatha broke up with me at the start of term. We're not dating anymore." 

A surprise to me. Though I had been curious about why Wellbelove wasn't sitting with him in the dining hall anymore, I didn't want to get my hopes up. I still didn't. Obviously, he was happy with someone. 

I dropped my eyes back down to my half-finished Politikal Science essay.

"Alright," I said. "So, Bunce, then?"

I doubted he and Bunce were anything but platonic, but it's the only other person I could think of that he could be that close with. 

"No!" He growled at me. "It's not like that."

He was wielding the rose like a sword. 

"Hmm," I said finally, glancing back to his face. "I assume you picked the rose for yourself, then?"

He was glaring at me now. I don't know why I was pushing it this far. I didn't want to know who Snow's secret girlfriend was. 

"Piss off, Baz. It was someone. Why do you care?" He took a step closer to my bed. 

I stood up, using my height advantage against him.

"If it really was someone, why won't you tell me who?" I said, raising a brow.

"It doesn't matter! It's none of your business. Why do you want to know?" He asked, tugging his fingers through his curls. He was still glaring, and his eyes were sharp with anger.

"I'll just have to believe that you don't actually have a girlfriend then. I mean," I raked my eyes down his figure, taking him in, before snapping my gaze back to his. "Who would want to date you? Wellbelove broke up with you, didn't she?"

I started to turn away again, but Snow took me by the arm and yanked me back around. We were so much closer than we had been before that I had to steady my breathing. His eyes were almost out of focus. 

"I don't have a girlfriend!" he shouted, practically in my ear.

I squinted at him. 

"I have a boyfriend! You know Theo? We're dating," he said in a rush. 

What?

Simon Snow had a boyfriend. 

Simon Snow was gay. Bisexual? I wasn't sure, but I'd never ask.

I was blinking at him. I was in shock. 

"Baz?" He asked. He looked a little worried.

Boyfriend.

"Boyfriend?" I asked. I didn't mean to. He was going to think I was homophobic. Crowley, if only he knew.

He let go of my arm. I had forgotten that he was still holding it. 

"Yeah, Baz. I've got a boyfriend. Do you have a problem with it?" He stepped farther away and crossed his arms.

I shook my head a fraction. Then harder. I must've looked mad. 

"No," I insisted weakly. "No. I'm gay."

Fuck. I probably shouldn't have told him that. I haven't exactly been keeping it a secret, but it was one step closer to him knowing. 

He looked genuinely concerned for my mental health.

"Alright. Yeah. Well, uh. Good. Yeah." He was fidgeting with the rose still in his hands and heading into the en suite. He gave me an awkward nod before shutting the door. 

I nodded back and then sat back down on my bed. 

Simon Snow is gay.

And he's got a boyfriend. 

Crowley.

_______

Now it's several hours past sunset, and I'm in my bed with the covers pulled up to my chin.

Snow is asleep in the bed next to me. I'm trying not to watch him. 

After the initial shock of it all, I was able to fully process the information he'd given me.

My hopeless crush of seven years is maybe not so hopeless. Because Simon Snow isn't as straight as I thought he was.

_Except,_ I tell myself bitterly. _He has a boyfriend. He still hates me as much as he did before._

I shut my eyes tightly and try to ignore the moonlight streaming in from the window Snow insisted on opening. 

He said his boyfriend was Theo. Theodore Rose, I believe. 

_"You know Theo?"_ he had asked me.

I've seen him around, but we've only ever spoken during class time. I've never seen Snow talking to him. 

Rose does not seem like the type of person Snow would date. 

Snow is full of sun and fire. Looking at him is like harnessing the sun through a magnifying glass.

But Rose is all cotton and dust, and he always seems like he wishes he were alone. 

Rose feels fake. Like if you try to touch him, your hand will just pass right through. 

Whenever I've talked to him before, he looks right through my eyes, and when he responds. His response always veers on the edge of passive aggression. 

He never says anything full-on rude. I wish he would. Maybe then I would believe he was a real person instead of a marionette.

I open my eyes and look at Snow, sprawled out on top of his covers.

The moon dances across his skin and highlights the moles that spread along his arms and neck.

His rose is sitting in the open drawer next to his bed. I frown when I see it.

I could always understand why he was dating Wellbelove. They were meant for each other.

But this? 

A feeling I've been suppressing for a long time bubbles the surface.

I'm jealous of Theodore Rose.

**Simon**

I've never dated a boy before. 

Much to my surprise, it feels the exact same as dating a girl. Though I've only ever dated Agatha, so I guess it just feels the same as dating her. 

I didn't even know I was gay. Or bisexual as Penny called it when I came to her in a panic. 

I didn't know that was something someone could _be_. I had always assumed that you either liked girls or you liked boys, and that was it.

Baz probably knew, the tosser. He would call me an ignorant idiot if I told him that I didn't.

My boyfriend is a guy named Theodore Rose. His name sounds almost as posh as Baz's, but he's not nearly as evil.

He even gave me a rose on our first date, which is pretty ironic given his last name. Baz would never do that. He would never do something so thoughtful.

I only noticed Theo this year. Even though he's been in almost all my lessons over the years, I never really saw him before.

We started talking when he sat right in front of me in my magic words class. At first, I thought he was Baz, but then I turned to find him sneering at me from across the room.

Theo turned around to ask me a question one day about the lesson, and I had to tell him that I rarely take notes. Or even pay attention.

Paying attention to that class soon became even more difficult. For some reason, I always found myself watching the way his inky black hair falls in front of his eyes. Or the way his pale hands would absentmindedly doodle on the edges of his paper.

At first, I brushed it off. So what? He was nice to look at. Anyone could see it.

But eventually, the butterflies in my stomach, when I caught him watching me back, gave it away. 

He asked me out right there in the middle of class. He slid a note back for me to read, and I blushed so hard I was sure that everyone could see it. 

Dating has been great so far. We go on picnics on the Great Lawn. He also lets me hold his hand in the hallways sometimes.

He doesn't sit with Penny and me during meal times, but that's alright. I understand. He has his friends, and I have mine. It works out this way.

We also never really... talk. 

On all the dates we go on, he usually starts kissing me before I have the chance to open my mouth. 

Which I'm not complaining about. The kissing is fantastic. Really fantastic, actually. Theo's mouth is rough, and it's so different from kissing Agatha. 

But I guess with Agatha, we were friends first before dating, so I knew how to be around her and hold a decent conversation with her. 

With Theo, I never really know how to act. I'm afraid that if I do the wrong thing, he'll realize he made a mistake, and he doesn't want me.

Not that we're that serious, obviously, but I just want something stable. I need someone to love me for who I am, and I feel like I could have that with Theo. 

Eventually. Maybe I'll ask Penny how to talk to him. 

Maybe not though. She'll just tell me that I'm being ridiculous and that I shouldn't worry about it, since he's my boyfriend and all. 

It'll get better. I know it. I just need to relax a bit, and this can work. 


	2. Less Mine

**Simon**

I'm in the middle of trying to redo my tie for the fifth time when Baz walks into our room. 

I glance at him in the mirror and see him perched on the corner of his bed, already looking at me. "Going somewhere, Snow?" he asks me.

I turn my head to look at him properly, fingers still fumbling with my tie.

"Yeah," I say. "I'm going to see Theo. We have a date." 

We've been planning it all week. Well, the planning was mostly on Theo's part. I just agreed to whatever he told me.

He said that he'd meet me at my dorm after dinner and then take me to a secret spot for our date. I begged him all week to tell me where, but he wouldn't budge.

I've been looking forward to it ever since he brought it up because there are very few places around Watford that I haven't seen. He assured me that I would be surprised, and I trust him to deliver. 

Baz curls his lip at me. I turn back to the mirror.

"Is that really what you're wearing? The school uniform? Very romantic, Snow," he jeers. 

I huff and look down at my clothes. 

"They look okay to me," I say. "Plus, Theo says he likes them."

Baz practically snorts and stands up from his bed. 

"Alright. Whatever your little _boyfriend_ thinks then," he rolls his eyes at me and strolls into the en suite, slamming the door behind him. 

I stare at the shut door and wonder what I did to make him that upset. He hasn't resorted to slamming doors since we were in third year. It's usually me who makes a scene. 

I decide to ignore him and check myself one last time in the mirror. My tie is crooked, and I think I buttoned my shirt wrong. So, the usual then. 

A knock comes from outside, and I nearly jump out of my shoes. 

The knock happens again, more impatient this time, and I take a deep breath before turning the handle. 

**Baz**

When I came back into our room and found Snow with a furrowed brow, scrutinizing himself in the mirror, I immediately knew what was going on.

He and Theodore Rose had been on more dates in the last two weeks than any couple I've met. 

Dev and Niall don't even go out that much. Maybe that's because they're roommates, and they can make out in their shared room.

I'm sitting on the floor of the bathroom with my back against the door. The cool tile under my palms is helping me calm down. I regret reacting the way I did. No matter how bitter I am about Snow's love life, I stopped slamming doors several years ago. 

I assume that Snow has left already, but I stay still, not wanting to chance running into him again. 

I insulted his choice of dress earlier, but with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his buttons done up all wrong, he was a beautiful mess. 

Rose had better think that Snow looks good in his Watford uniform. If he is so lucky as to date him, then he should appreciate Snow in every way that he comes. And he only comes wearing his uniform. 

I stand up and brush off my trousers. My face in the mirror is pale, more so than usual, and it reminds me that I haven't fed since I went to the Catacombs two days ago. 

I risk a glimpse out the door, and I was right. Snow is gone. Maybe I have time to drain a few rats and make it back before him. 

I want to see him when he returns. Now that he's less mine than he's ever been before, I've been relishing in every minute I get to spend with him. 

Fuck Theodore Rose. 

_

On my way down to the Catacombs, I pass by the White Chapel, like I always do. 

But there's someone else here too. Two people. I can hear their heartbeats. 

One I don't quite recognize. The other, going too fast, is-

"Simon!" the other person says. Rose. "C'mon Simon, what's wrong?"

Then I can see them. Rose has Simon pinned up against the side of the Chapel. One of Rose's hands has glided towards the button on Simon's trousers. Simon is trying to brush it away.

"I-," Simon starts, cutting himself off. "I just- Not tonight, Theo. Maybe some other time."

Simon sounds slightly panicked, and my fangs pop in fury. 

"Okay. Whatever," Rose says and leans up to kiss Simon again.

Before their lips can touch, I step into the patch of moonlight they're standing in and try my best to sneer.

"Get a room, Rose," I practically growl. I just want him to get away from Simon. 

Rose jumps in surprise but doesn't move from where he's standing. 

Simon looks at me from over Rose's head, and something in his eyes is almost grateful. I want to pull him away from the wall and from Theodore Rose and take him back to our room. 

Rose must see the anger hidden behind my gaze because he takes Simon by the hand and starts leading him away. 

"Alright. Fine, _Pitch._ I didn't realize this was your patch of grass," he turns his face back to Simon and whispers something in his ear."

Simon tenses up but nods slowly, his eyes still on me. 

Rose saunters back toward the castle with Simon in tow. I resume my walk to the Catacombs without looking back.

**Simon**

For our date, Theodore brought me to the back wall of the White Chapel that I've walked past over a hundred times.

I was not surprised. 

I'm laid back in bed, taking in the feeling of my soft mattress. My back still hurts where Theodore shoved me into the wall. 

At first, the date was okay. I wouldn't really call it a _date,_ though. Unless making out behind a building for fifteen minutes counts. 

I tried to talk to him at the beginning. I asked him about his family. But once he answered my questions (with very brief responses), he rammed me against the Chapel and started kissing me. 

I don't understand why we can't just _talk_. These past few weeks, we've kissed more than I've ever kissed anyone, and honestly, I need a break. But I don't want Theo to break up with me. I really do like him. 

I love how his nails always look perfectly manicured, and how his hair is sleek and glossy. Sometimes, if his eyes fall in the light the right way, they look almost a stormy grey. 

I like so many things about him, I couldn't give him up. Except for when he tried to unzip my trousers. I kept trying to push his hand away and to tell him to _stop,_ but he didn't stop until Baz showed up. 

I would thank Baz for that, but it would just feel wrong.

Anyway, I think that things between Theo and me will get better over time. Not every couple has it sorted out perfectly from the very start. Right?

Baz has finished dressing, and he pulls back the covers to get in his bed. 

"Hey, Baz?" I ask. He goes still. "Have you ever dated anyone?"

It's stupid to ask Baz's opinion on all of this. But part of me is worried that my relationship with Theo _isn't_ normal, and I could never go to Penny with this. 

Baz casts a cold look over his shoulder. "No, Snow, I haven't. Some of us want to have time for things other than snogging."

I frown. "Theo and I don't snog all the time. We do other things. We talk."

I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince. 

"I don't care what you and Rose do. Next time, just do it somewhere farther away from me," his tone is ice. 

"Can I bring him to our room?" I ask him. 

His eyes shoot daggers at me from across the room. "Whatever, Snow. I don't _care_ what you do. Goodnight," he says and flicks off the lights.

"Goodnight, Baz," I murmur. We have never said 'goodnight' to each other before, but I won't argue with him. 

I like it better than fighting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!


	3. Watch Me Burn

**Baz**

It has gotten to the point where I can't leave our room without seeing Snow and Rose making out in a dark hallway. 

Every time I walk past Rose, I sneer at him. He has taken to just rolling his eyes at me whenever he sees it. 

He's more frustrating than Snow. But I suppose being in love with Snow overrides my annoyance most of the time. 

Currently, I have the misfortune of being seated at a desk next to Rose in a Magic Words class without Snow. 

Mrs. Possibelf is giving instructions to an assignment at the front of the room. 

"This is a partner assignment," Mrs. Possibelf is saying. People shift in their seats, already eyeing their friends. "But you may not choose your partners. Everyone is to work with the person next to them at their desk."

The class collectively sighs, and I roll my eyes. Of course, I'm to work with Theodore. As if I don't hate him enough as it stands.

He turns in his seat to face me and crosses his legs at the ankle. "So. Pitch. How do you want to do this?" He asks. 

I keep my head forward and flip through the textbook. "I can do the assignment and tell Mrs. Possibelf you helped. Alright? I don't trust you not to muck it up."

He snorts and leans forward to put his elbows on his knees. "Pitch. All we have to do is cast a spell. Seen as it requires two people, there's no way we can get out of us both doing it together. Come on, just because you caught me snogging your enemy doesn't mean _we_ have to be enemies too." He says. 

I huff. Rose is right. We're meant to be doing a cosmetic spell that changes eye color. It's incredibly simple. Niall has been doing it for years. 

I turn my head toward him and cross my arms. "Fine. But I'm going first." 

He leans back in his chair and grins smugly. "Blue, please. I've always wanted blue eyes." 

I stand up and grab my wand from my sleeve. Maybe I'll get blue for myself. Or perhaps not. It would remind me of Snow when I look into the mirror this evening. 

I point the tip of my wand toward his temple. Right now, his eyes are murky grey. The way he's positioned in the light, it almost looks like the exact shade of grey that mine are. Now that I think about it...

My wand wavers. His hair isn't quite as long as mine has gotten to be, but I'm certain that if we held up strands to compare color, there would be no difference. He even slicks it back the same way that I do. 

The similarities to my features are jumping out at me. My wand has now dropped down to my side. If my pale skin (pale like Rose's) can get any paler, I know it has. How have I never noticed this before? This is what Snow must feel like daily. Discovering excruciatingly obvious things. 

Rose furrows his brow. "Pitch? Is there something wrong?" His eyes widen and, his hand flies to his face. "Seven snakes, my nose isn't bleeding again, is it? I went to the infirmary twice last week-" 

"No," I say. I definitely don't want to hear this. "You're fine. Everything's fine." 

I raise my wand again. I'm shaking, I think. I haven't even thought about what this means. What it means for Snow to be dating someone that looks exactly like me. Does this mean...?

" ** _Colour up_ ** _!"_ I say. 

But I must have been a little too preoccupied because when I look up from my wand, Rose doesn't have blue eyes. His eyes are still a steady grey and are glaring daggers right at me. 

Several people around the room are laughing, and I can't tell if it's because I nearly just went off like I'm the bloody Chosen One or because Theodore Rose is standing in front of me with bright blue hair. 

\--

I manage to escape the crowd of people that have gathered around Rose and me and make straight for the Catacombs. Even if Snow has been in our room for his free period, it doesn't matter. News spreads so quickly at Watford that he may have gotten wind of his Rose's new coiffure by now. 

I'm going to give him a few hours to cool off before I see him again. He isn't thrilled with me on a typical day, so I can't imagine how furious he will be when he finds out I touched his precious boyfriend. I hate him, but I don't want him to forget about the Anathema and get thrown out of Watford for hitting me in the jaw.

I stride briskly across the Great Lawn. I glance behind me, and thankfully no one has caught up with me. Once I get to the Catacombs, I plan to drain a few rats and then stay there until dinner. Snow excels at holding grudges (against me especially), but hopefully I can wait this one out. 

**Simon**

I'm still awake when Baz finally comes back to our room for the night. He closes the door softly like he doesn't notice me yet. When he does, he stiffens.

"Been waiting up for me, Snow?" He asks, arms crossed. I can't quite see him through the darkness, so I reach over and turn on the lamp.

"Yeah," I tell him honestly. I really was. I heard about his incident earlier with Theo, and I think he was hiding from me all day. 

He squints at me, obviously not expecting that answer. "What?" He asks sharply. He still hasn't moved from the doorway. 

I shrug. "Penny told me about you and Theo in Magic Words class."

He takes a step back. "Snow-"

" _Baz,_ did you actually turn his hair blue?" I laugh. He takes in my grin, and his shoulders relax. I think he really _was_ hiding from me. Was he actually worried about my reaction? I guess I have punched him in the nose before...

"It was... yeah. I did." He looks more vulnerable than I've ever seen him. He's smiling (barely, but I can tell), and his eyes are shining with something almost like hope.

"Brilliant. I like his hair, though. Will it turn back?" As soon as I ask him, I regret it. As much as I hate Baz, I was enjoying the way he was smiling at me instead of scowling at me like he is now. 

"Yes, Snow. Have you even been to class? Colour Up only works for 24 hours." He stalks over to his wardrobe and turns his back to me. 

"Okay. Good. You know, his hair is a lot like yours. Pretty and smooth." I say slowly, attempting to save the moment. It's also true. Theo's hair looks a lot similar to Baz's. 

Baz spins on his heel. His arms are by his side, and his knuckles are white around his wand. "Snow, are you drunk?"

"No! I'm not wrong. Your hair is-"

"Shut it, Simon. I'm going to bed." He spits at me. 

"What the fuck, Baz?" I gape at him. I have no idea where this is coming from. Does he hate being compared to Theo that much? 

"Be useful for once and turn out the light, would you?" He walks into the bathroom and slams the door shut behind him.

I run back through our conversation to try and figure out when I could have possibly offended him. Then, as I click off the light, I realize he called me Simon. 

**Baz**

This is the worst possible scenario. If fate exists, then it loathes me personally. 

I find myself on the floor of the en suite, nearly in tears. I would go down to the Catacombs, but I've been there all day, and I would get week-long detention if I were caught outside the dorms this late. 

All my years at Watford, I always assumed that Snow was straight. It never once crossed my mind that he could be queer. He and Agatha were endgame, and I was going to be forced to get over my adolescent crush. 

But now that I know he's queer and he's dating someone that looks exactly like me, it's all too much. When he went as far as to say that he thought my hair was pretty, I couldn't take it. 

With every bit of new information, I burn a little bit more on the inside. There's no reason for me to give up on him now. I'm in love with him, and he's giving me hope. 

Simon Snow is going to be the one to set me alight and watch me burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me almost three months to write this chapter and I'm only a little bit sorry. Writing is hard, guys. Hope you enjoy though! Would appreciate kudos and comments. Hopefully only one more chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for reading! Make sure to leave kudos if you enjoyed.
> 
> This writing style is very new to me, so if you have any suggestions, please let me know!


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